Burnout Dressed as Ambition: How ADHD Women Hide in Achievement

Photo by Bernd 📷 Dittrich on Unsplash

I used to think I was just really ambitious. The kind of woman who had ten colour-coded notebooks, three side projects, and a suspicious level of enthusiasm for a new planner. I wore my productivity like a badge of honour — until it started to feel more like a straightjacket.

It took me years to understand that what looked like drive and dedication from the outside was, in many ways, a very elaborate mask. One I’d carefully constructed to hide the chaos underneath.
If you're a high-achieving ADHD woman, you might know exactly what I mean.

When Overachievement is a Coping Strategy

For many women with ADHD, the pressure to "keep up" starts early. You miss things, lose things, forget appointments, blurt out the wrong comment at the wrong time. So you learn to overcompensate. You become the early one, the prepared one, the over-prepared one. You chase gold stars to quiet the self-doubt. You push harder, stay later, learn faster. You excel — but not always for the joy of it. Often, it’s about proving you're not a mess. Proving you're worthy.

This is what I call burnout dressed as ambition.

Because when you're running on adrenaline and fear of failure, it's not sustainable. It's not thriving — it’s surviving with a very fancy LinkedIn profile.

The Gendered Pressure to Hold It All Together

Women are socialised to be competent, tidy, responsible, emotionally intelligent, and on top of things. When you’re neurodivergent, you learn early how dangerous it is to drop the mask.

So we hustle harder. We become experts at masking — not just our ADHD symptoms, but our fatigue, our pain, our overwhelm. We show up smiling to the school gates, to the Zoom call, to the family dinner. Inside, we’re held together by caffeine and a spreadsheet called “I Cannot Let This Fall Apart.”

Many ADHD women aren’t diagnosed until adulthood. Why? Because we were performing functionality so well. Often too well.

The Warning Signs We Miss

Here’s what burnout looked like for me — maybe it rings a bell:

• Waking up tired, even after sleeping 9 hours

• Snapping at everyone I love, then apologising 400 times

• Crying in the carpark before big meetings

• Feeling like everything — even the “easy stuff” — is too much

• Getting sick all the time

• Forgetting words, losing track of what day it is

• That creeping dread that if one more thing goes wrong, you’ll shatter

But I didn’t look burnt out. I looked "driven." I was doing All The Things. From the outside, I seemed to be thriving. On the inside, I was dissolving.

Ambition Isn’t the Problem — Self-Abandonment Is

There’s nothing wrong with wanting success. With dreaming big. ADHD brains are creative, curious, passionate — we can do amazing things. But when we tie our worth to output, when we say yes to every project, when we refuse to rest… we trade our health for validation.

We abandon ourselves to meet expectations that were never designed for us.

The goal isn’t to stop being ambitious. It’s to start being compassionate too.

So What Can We Do Instead?

1. Redefine Success

Success isn't just publications, promotions, or perfect parenting. Sometimes, it’s putting your phone on “Do Not Disturb” and watching Gilmore Girls in bed with a hot water bottle. Sometimes, it’s choosing one priority instead of ten.

Ask: What does success feel like, not just look like?

2. Start Unmasking (Gently)

You don’t need to share everything with everyone. But find the places and people where you can be real. Say, “I’m actually struggling right now.” Let someone else pick up the slack once in a while. You’re allowed.

3. Build a Life That Works for Your Brain

This is why I created my ADHD coaching programme for high-achieving women. Not to make you more productive — but to help you build systems and support that don’t burn you out. We focus on flexible routines, executive function support, and radical permission to do life differently.

Because your brain isn’t broken. The system is.

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. You’re not lazy, disorganised, or “too sensitive.” You’ve probably just been running a marathon on a sprained ankle — and nobody noticed because you smiled the whole way.

It’s time to stop wearing burnout like a badge.

Take off the mask. Reclaim your energy. And remember — you’re allowed to want more for yourself and your life. Just not at the cost of your health.