Confessions of a Secret Eater

Understanding Binge Eating Disorder and ADHD.

Photo by Artem Labunsky on Unsplash

There was a time when I was a binge eater. This is not the same as comfort eating; it is a form of self-harm. I would eat normally in front of people and then binge in private. Sometimes I would hide in the bedroom from my husband, pretending that I needed an early night, and other times I would cancel plans with people so that I could binge eat at home instead. A binge is when you consume a ridiculous amount of food until you feel sick. Some people then purge—this is called bulimia—but it is not something I have done in many years.

I didn’t enjoy the food; I ate it as quickly as possible, not even tasting what I was putting in my mouth. I would build a nest wherever I was—on my bed or the sofa, with a duvet, all my food around me, and a drink so I wouldn’t have to get up for anything. My binges could consist of an entire XXL pizza from Papa John's, a giant cookie, an entire cake, a whole packet of biscuits, a large sharing bag of crisps with dip, and a whole baguette with pâté. Afterwards, I would feel really sick, and then the shame and disappointment in myself would hit me. My weight has fluctuated by over three stone in the last eight years (I am only 5 foot 1, so this is a lot). When I wasn’t bingeing, I was exercising excessively and restricting my eating. I find it very difficult to find the middle ground.

There are also people who eat in private in a comfort-eating way rather than as a form of self-harm. These individuals are often overweight but appear to only eat salads and healthy foods, yet they cannot seem to shift the weight. Eating feels good; this is evolution telling us we need to eat to survive. When we eat, dopamine is released—a chemical in the brain that is part of the reward system. The effects are short-lived, which leads to the desire to eat more. This cycle is often followed by self-loathing, particularly for those who struggle with negative body image.

Breaking the cycle requires finding alternative ways to stimulate the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine, endorphins, or serotonin through healthier means. Unfortunately, many people transfer their unhealthy relationship with food to other behaviours such as smoking or drinking. Engaging in enjoyable activities—whether it be joining a sports team, an evening class, or a book club—can provide a healthier way to achieve that same sense of reward. Exercise is frequently suggested as a solution, as it helps release endorphins and serotonin, but the key is finding an activity that resonates with you, be it dancing, swimming, running, or even yoga.

The Link Between Binge Eating and ADHD in Women

There is increasing recognition of the connection between binge eating and ADHD, particularly in women. Women with ADHD frequently struggle with emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, and difficulties with executive functioning—factors that can contribute to disordered eating behaviours, including binge eating.

One of the core symptoms of ADHD is impulsivity, which can make it difficult to resist cravings or regulate food intake. Many women with ADHD describe feeling unable to stop eating once they have started, not because of hunger, but due to an overwhelming compulsion to continue. This lack of control mirrors the experience of binge eating disorder (BED), where episodes of excessive food consumption occur in a short period, often accompanied by intense guilt and shame.

Dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward, also plays a crucial role in both ADHD and binge eating. Individuals with ADHD often have lower levels of dopamine, leading them to seek stimulation or immediate gratification. Food—particularly high-sugar, high-fat, and processed foods—triggers the release of dopamine, providing a temporary sense of satisfaction. This creates a cycle where individuals with ADHD may turn to binge eating as a way to self-medicate their dopamine deficiency.

Additionally, executive dysfunction—a hallmark of ADHD—can make meal planning, grocery shopping, and maintaining structured eating habits extremely challenging.

Many women with ADHD struggle with inconsistent eating patterns, often forgetting to eat throughout the day and then overcompensating with large binges later. The difficulty in establishing routines and maintaining balanced nutrition further exacerbates the problem.

The emotional impact of ADHD also contributes to binge eating tendencies. Many women with undiagnosed or late-diagnosed ADHD experience chronic stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Emotional eating becomes a coping mechanism, offering temporary relief from overwhelming emotions. Unfortunately, this often leads to a cycle of shame and distress, reinforcing the disordered eating behaviour.

Despite these links, ADHD is still rarely considered in the diagnosis and treatment of binge eating disorder. Many women struggling with both conditions are treated separately for their eating disorder, without their ADHD being recognised as a contributing factor. This oversight can make treatment less effective, as the root cause of impulsive eating behaviours remains unaddressed.

For women with ADHD and binge eating tendencies, a holistic treatment approach is essential. This may include ADHD-specific strategies such as medication, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), and structured meal planning to help regulate eating patterns. Understanding the link between the two conditions can also provide a sense of relief—binge eating is not just about willpower, but is often rooted in neurobiological differences that require tailored support.

Recognising the connection between ADHD and binge eating is a crucial step towards more effective treatment and support for women who may have spent years feeling out of control with their eating habits. By addressing both conditions together, individuals can develop healthier coping mechanisms, improve their relationship with food, and regain a sense of balance in their lives.

The Limitations of Nutritional Advice Without Psychological Understanding

A while ago, I had a conversation with a nutritionist that left a lasting impression on me. She had decided to give up her business, explaining that she was "getting fed up with people losing weight and then going back to their bad habits and putting the weight back on." It was clear that she found it frustrating to watch clients make progress only to seemingly sabotage themselves later.

I tried to explain to her that eating habits are not just about willpower or knowledge of nutrition; there is a significant psychological aspect that drives our relationship with food. Many people overeat not out of ignorance but due to deeply ingrained emotional patterns, stress, or mental health struggles. However, she was unable to grasp what I was saying. She couldn’t understand why someone would return to their unhealthy eating habits after experiencing the physical and mental benefits of healthy eating. To her, it was as simple as making good choices and sticking to them.

As our conversation continued, I attempted to explain what binge eating truly entails—the compulsive, uncontrollable nature of it and the feelings of guilt and shame that follow. To my surprise, she responded by saying that she understood how I felt because she couldn't have peanut butter in the house, as she found herself taking a teaspoonful every time she walked into the kitchen. It struck me as ironic and somewhat alarming that someone advising others on healthy eating could equate occasional indulgence with the all-consuming, harmful cycle of binge eating.

This experience highlighted a worrying reality—there are professionals offering nutritional advice without a true understanding of the psychological complexities behind overeating. While they may be well-versed in calories, macronutrients, and meal planning, they often lack the deeper insight into why people struggle with food on an emotional level. In my opinion, this lack of understanding can be dangerous.

Without addressing the root causes, people are left feeling like failures when they inevitably relapse, reinforcing feelings of shame and inadequacy.

It is crucial that nutritional guidance is paired with psychological support. Simply prescribing a meal plan or offering advice on portion control is not enough. Individuals who struggle with binge eating or emotional eating need compassionate support that acknowledges the emotional triggers behind their behaviour. Otherwise, they may continue to cycle through weight loss and regain, feeling increasingly hopeless with each attempt.

This conversation with the nutritionist made me realise just how important it is to advocate for a more holistic approach to tackling weight issues—one that prioritises mental well-being alongside physical health. Without this, we risk creating an environment where people feel misunderstood, unsupported, and ultimately, stuck in their unhealthy patterns.

As I embark on my own journey to find balance, I am focusing on eating nutrient-rich foods that promote the production of dopamine and serotonin, rather than falling into the trap of drastic diets or extreme measures. I am also grateful to have the support of my husband, who keeps me grounded and reminds me that health is not just about numbers on a scale but about overall well-being.

Here’s to good mood food and not eating in the bathroom.